1. Couples who wear those matching unisex sandals that exist only to let everyone know how earthy and adventurous they are {example here}. We get it! You do thing outside! Together! All the time! Your shirt is probably made of flax or hemp or camel saliva, and you eat at trendy restaurants that charge $18 dollars for a salad that tastes like yard clippings, because it's all locally sourced! WE GET IT. Still, regardless of how hip and healthy you are, a girl shouldn't ever be able to accidentally put on her boyfriends shoes, and only realize once she notices they're a tad bigger.
Why does being healthy have to be synonymous with ugly clothes?
2. People that refer to themselves as their pets "parents". I'm sorry. No. Even if you don't call them your kids, if your cat gives birth to a litter of kittens, and you post on Facebook that you became the PROUD PARENTS of new kittens, I will kill you. You did not become the parents of jack shit. Your cat did. You are merely the giant human who will bug the shit out of those kittens for the next six weeks.
Humans can be parents to other humans. They are owners of pets. Period.
3. People that go out of their way to tell you how bad something is for you. Take diet soda, for example. People LOVE to tell other people how terrible it is for you. How if you're going to have a soda, just have a smaller size regular soda. You know the fake sugar causes cancer, right? The thing is, it's 2014. We all have computer and internet access, and we've all seen the reports and the studies, and have some level of understanding of what or who Monsanto is. They know the diet soda is bad for them. They just don't fucking care.
So why should you?
4. Couples who share a Facebook account. Unless you're over 70, this is unacceptable. Why in God's name do you need to SHARE a free account? Is it because one of you doesn't actually want a facebook, and the other one just can't accept that? Is it because you're just so connected to each other that you've actually begun to melt into one huge human? Like two gummy bears left in a car on a hot summer day? Is this your way of letting everyone know how secure you are in your relationship, that you just have one community facebook account between the two of you, because there are no secrets here? Well, let me tell you this: it's gross. Stop it. Grow up and have your own identity, your own facebook, and take off those matching sandals, damn it!
Ugh. That's better. Feels good to bitch sometimes, right?
Happy wednesday.
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