Monday Momisms: Feeding Your Minions

One of the things I get asked about the most by people who don't have kids, or are new parents, or generally feel like they can't get out of the grocery store without spending 200 bucks on food, is 

"How much do you spend on groceries for you and the kids?"

Before I answer that question I will say that being the only breadwinner in the house, and not getting child support, my budget is super important to me.

From years of having low paying jobs, and at times no job at all, but still having two kids who were just as hungry as they were when I made good money, I've learned to feed us all pretty well, on very very little.

I spend about $100 a week on food for the three of us, and that includes dinner every single night, breakfast, lunches and snacks on weekends, and lunches during the week for me.

Lainie and Jack eat breakfast and lunch at school during the week because of how early they get dropped off.

This budget comes out to about $4.76 to feed each person, each day of the week.

One thing I've learned about not blowing hundreds of dollars on food {which I could easily do if I wasn't paying attention-I love food} is that you have to make a list, and fucking stick to it.

Once you get the hang of shopping on a budget and maintaining a list, you can vary here and there, getting a couple extra little goodies that weren't on the list, or picking stuff up that is insanely discounted, but until you're a seasoned pro, stick to the Goddamn list.

I know you've all heard that before, and I had too, but for a long time it didn't make a difference. 

Then I realized I didn't know how to make a list.

I know, that sounds ridiculous, but it's true.

I genuinely didn't know how to make a shopping list for a weeks worth of meals-not food, MEALS.

That's an important distinction.

You need to know that what you're getting will make as many whole meals as you need it to this week, not just fill your pantry or your fridge.

How do you do that?

Plan a menu.

The morning I get paid {which is the day I usually do my budgeting and grocery shopping} I sit down and plan out dinners, work lunches and weekend meals for me and the kids for each day between then and my next grocery trip. 

I get paid twice a month, so I pull out two weeks of grocery money, and make 1 weeks menu, then a week later make another one and use the last of our grocery money. By the next payday, it's time to plan and shop again. The cycle continues.

Anyhow, I write it down like this:

Say I get paid on a Monday.

Monday: homemade chicken fingers, salad and noodles

Tuesday: Spaghetti with sausage and garlic bread

Wednesday: chicken burritos

Thursday: Black bean salad and grilled chicken

Friday: homemade white pizza

Saturday: Salmon patties, mashed potatoes and broccoli

Sunday: Grilled chicken breast, cold veggies and hummus

Cereal and fruit for breakfast Saturday and Sunday

Saturday lunch: tuna salad sandwiches, carrots and applesauce

Sunday lunch: fish sticks, tater tots and fruit

With the way I cook, I usually have just enough leftovers from each dinner to take to work with me the next day.

Now that I know what we're eating, I know what we need.

I make a list of all the shit we need for our dinners.

Notice that chicken is in 4 of the 7 meals. 

That means I can buy a big pack of chicken breast, separate them and freeze them for each meal, and it's much cheaper than buying small packs of all different meats. 

Now add the miscellaneous shit you need, like milk, juice or tea for drinking, things your kids snack on like bread and peanut butter, jelly, string cheese, yogurt or whatever your family eats between meals.

And now you're ready.

Another thing I've learned is to walk the perimeter of the store as much as possible, staying out of the boxed or frozen "convenience food" sections, and staying away from the isles with cookies and chips, which are way more expensive than they seem, and add a lot to your grocery bill in very little time.

I do buy bags of frozen veggies sometimes though, especially things like broccoli or mixed veggies because they're cheap and always good to have on hand for a night that you need to haphazardly throw a somewhat healthy meal together.

After you've gotten the shit on your list, get the fuck out of the store. 

Seriously.

Run to the check out counter, don't walk. 

You will inevitably see more and more shit that looks good or is on sale, and the next thing you know you blew your whole budget.

Once you're home, put your weeks menu on the fridge for you to see.

This keeps you focused on your planned meals, reminds you of what you were going to make, and keeps you from eating out as much.

Plus it reminds me as I'm leaving for work "Oh we're having chicken tonight, I need to take some out of the freezer to thaw".

Anyway, that's how I do it, and that's a small example of how we eat.

Good luck feeding your minions.

Monday Momisms: Making a Budget

 One thing my upbringing severely lacked, besides structure and functional communication, was any type of domestic education. 

My dad was a mechanic so he did teach me things like how to check my tire pressure, change my oil and fix a flat, but he never went over things like organization, bill paying, grocery shopping or how to make a budget. 

All of that stuff I more or less figured out on my own when I moved out on my own. I will say Lainie and I ate a substantial amount of Cocoa Pebbles and frozen pizza in that first year on our own together.

My older sister tried to teach me some stuff, like how to cook a whole meal and the basics of a budget. But while her recipes are all ingrained in my memory forever, the budget thing took a lot of getting used to and some serious customization for my particular lifestyle and personality type. {read: spending habits and shopping addictions}

Now, I will say this: I don't like shopping. The crowds, the lines, the annoying sales girls always looking at me like I might steal shit, trying stuff on, keeping my kids from knocking everything over or getting kidnapped. Oy. I kind of hate it. And online shopping isn't much better because I think the shipping fees are way jacked up, and I don't like buying something unless I can look at it in person, hold it in my hands and see that it's what I want. Plus, I hate waiting for shit to get here.

I digress.

I don't like shopping, but I do like other things, such as having new shoes {if only they could just appear without the shopping part} and procrastinating, and using my debit card instead of cash.

All of those things combined eventually equals: me being out of touch with my money and spending habits, paying bills late, and eventually running out of money before my next check.

When you have two little kids who are walking pathogens and could need a trip to the doctor at any moment, or a car with four tires that could so easily go flat at any moment, and you're the ONLY one who can cover those expenses, running out of money is not an option.

So for those of you who are trying to create a budget, learn to budget or embrace living on a budget, here's how I do it. It might work for you, it might not, but I haven't overdrawn a bank account in 3 years since I made this budget if that tells you anything.

Step one: know how much your checks are going to be after taxes and deductions each month. Sounds simple, but do you really know how much a standard, 40 or 80 hour {depending how often you're paid} check is after everything is taken out? If you make $12.00 an hour, you may need to make a budget based on 10 or 11 dollars an hour depending what your actual take home is after tax and health insurance.
You can use this calculator to get an idea of what should be if you don't feel like looking at your bank statements, or you're about to start a new job.

Step two: add up what your total bills are for the month. That means knowing how much you spend on gas, groceries, electricity and any other variable expenses. Things like rent, internet and your car payment should be fixed expenses that are the same every month.

Step three: bust out a calendar and figure out when your pay days are and what bills need to come out of which checks. For example, your rent is due the 1st so that comes out of either your last check from last month or your first check of the new month depending on your pay periods, but will you get paid again before your phone bill comes due on the 15th? 

You need to know where each check is going.

Step three: Pay your bills FIRST. That means before you buy a single pair of jeans or eat a single meal from the drive thru, or whatever you use your spending money on, pay your bills, even if it means paying them early, and then stash 10% of your net pay for that check away for savings. It adds up quickly, and it's so little usually you hardly notice it. 

Step four: Pull out whatever you have left over after bills are paid and your 10% is contributed to savings, as cash. That way you'll be more in touch with your spending money, and you'll start to feel that pain when you hand over a whole five dollar bill for a cup of coffee and get no change back. It will make you start spending less, I promise you.

Step five: keep receipts for a month or two from the gas station and the grocery store so you can get a better idea of how those variable expenses are average month to month. Maybe you think 200 dollars is a good bi-weekly food budget, but if you look back at your receipts and find you're really spending closer to 400, it's either time to adjust the way you budget, or the way you shop.

There's something super satisfying to me about knowing all my bills are paid, my savings is hidden away, and the cash in my wallet is all mine to do whatever I want with. My spending money doesn't always last me until my next check, but I have savings set aside for emergency doctor's visits or flat tires, and my groceries and gas are budgeted out, with money set aside for them that's separate from my spending money.

I don't have any credit cards, and I support both my kids on one income, including a $750.00 a month daycare bill. I think a lot of that has to do with budgeting, saving, and sticking to it even when it means I can't buy any new Sharpies that month. 

And I really fucking love new Sharpies.