House Rules

Every house has rules, that's just a fact of life.

We all had rules in our homes when we were growing up, and as we became adults ourselves, and either cohabited with roommates or boyfriends, or got married or had children, we developed rules for our own homes.

Some we adopted from our parents, some we just made up as we went along, as evidenced by the list of some of the rules in our home:

- No yelling inside

-Unless Mom is yelling. Mom is allowed to yell. 

-But don't make mom yell!

-No feet on the dinner table

-No farting on other people on purpose

-If you do fart on someone else, whether on accident or on purpose, you have to make them a treat to make up for the damage you can never really undo.

-Don't bother mom when she's in the closet with the door shut

-We don't do homework in the bathroom while Mom is peeing, we do homework at the kitchen table

-Don't bother Mom while she's in the shower unless you're bleeding

-I am not putting the cat in time out

-Do your homework before you go outside

-If you don't do your homework, you have to practice filling out McDonald's applications until you're ready to do your homework

-Don't moon me

-Don't lick me

-Don't jump on me naked

-My bedroom is not your playground

-Don't eat my chocolate

-After Halloween, Mom can eat your chocolate

-Lying kills Santa

-If you make me coffee, you're my favorite

-If I have to put down my coffee to chase you, find you, grab you, or otherwise stop you from doing whatever bullshit you're doing, you are going to regret it.

-Pee goes in the toilet, not on the floor, walls, front yard, my leg, the back of the couch, the back porch, the cat, or any brick wall you see. 

-Same goes for poop JACKSON

-If you pooped or peed on it, you're cleaning it

-Do not wake me before it's time to get up unless someone is missing, bleeding, losing their arm, or literally dying.

What are your house rules?