The Friday Diary: Yes, I'm already talking about Christmas

Hi There.

Happy Friday.

I am trying really hard to make casual small talk first, and to act like this is just any old rambly Friday Diary, and not just jump right into CHRISTMAS, but I'm failing at it, so lets get this over with.

I know, we all hate the girl who is already talking about Christmas and it's not even Halloween, but you're going to have to deal with it, because last night it smelled like winter outside, and now I have the Christmas fevers.

I love giving gifts. Seriously, love it.

But I have awful anxiety about it at the same time.

I obsess and plan for months, trying to figure out the absolute perfect gift, only to think I have come up with it, feel quite smug and proud of myself, purchase it, wrap it, and then instantly regret it, as well as every other gift choice I've ever made in my life.

I become convinced it's shitty and stupid, and they won't "get it" or won't like it, or it will sit in their cupboard collecting dust for an entire year while they pretend they loved it {side-eye: that tablet I got for Bill last year}.

I pester people for weeks, even months, about what they want for Christmas, and get so full of rage that I want to suffocate them with smiling santa wrapping paper when they shrug and say "I don't know" or do the coy little "you don't have to get me anything" bullshit. You know now that I am obviously going to get you something either way, so hows about you give me some idea of something you might like, and make this easier on both of us? That way I don't have a breakdown in Target, and you don't get a singing Bass fish for your wall.

Everybody wins.

The caveat here is that the super infuriating charming thing about me, is that I never admit to what I want either.

I feel shy and self conscious asking for gifts.

I feel like anything I really want is either too small and stupid {read: some bacon and 5 dollar wine} or way too ridiculously huge {read: Paris sounds fun}.

I don't want to be the girl who asks for a keychain, even if I really needed a fucking keychain, and I don't want to be the girl that expects you to blow whole paychecks on her either.

So I blush, sweat, get really nervous and awkward, and feel like the girl who used to live in a junkyard and now goes to school in Scottsdale and doesn't know how to act around people who always wear shoes in public.

That's a true story...but for another day.

So what do you do about Christmas gift giving?

Do you ask for things, or do you squirrel away little hints through out the year, and then bust out like the most amazing gift ever that no one ever saw coming?

Are you a great gift giver, or are you the person in every family who is always giving women Walmart lotions, and men subscriptions to Fishing Monthly?

Tell me your secrets, tell me your strategy.

Tell me what the fuck you want for Christmas.

Also, if someone were to beg me for a few ideas as to what to get me this year, none of the stuff below would piss me off, were I to receive it by some crazy random happen stance. 

Top Left: Kelly Moore Camera gear bag

Top Right: Hi my name is mark women's shirt

Bottom Left: Hi my name is mark men's shirt {shut up, they're comfortable and majestic as fuck}

Bottom Right: Canon 85 mm f/1.8 lens