Monday, April 28, 2014

I am nacho friend

Once you hate someone, everything they do is offensive.

It's funny how in life, we all have one person who is inherently genius at basically only one thing:
Pissing you the fuck off.
I hope this is true for all of us anyway, because it definitely is for me, and for a long time I took it personally.
I thought to myself: "Self, you have anger issues." or "Self, maybe you are just an intolerant asshole."
But over the years as I've gotten to know my Self better, and in tandem know this one person who is super good at making me crazy better, I've come to finally accept that it's not me.
It's them.

They are the one person in my life who can send me into a blind rage in less than half a sentence.
They can make my face hot and bring back my childhood angry-stutter with one look.
They are, essentially, the most logical reason I would ever have to call one of my homies for bail money.

Do you have this person?
Do you have a Someone in your life, that either knows exactly where your buttons are, and seems to get a sick amount of joy and life-purpose from pushing them? 
Do you have a person you know that is so mind-numbing stupid, but at the same time, so unbearably cocky, that you live for the moments when they are irrefutably proved wrong?

Sure, maybe you have a long history with this person, and part of your impatience with the sound of them converting oxygen to carbon monoxide stems from the years you spent as a helpless victim to their bullshit - maybe you're a little bitter.
But that doesn't change the fact that they're intolerable to you.

I think maybe what it comes down to is that once you dislike a person for whatever reason, whether justifiable or bitter and petty, everything they do annoys you.
The simple fact that they exist in your universe is maddening.
They lose the ability to ever be right or acceptable, in any situation, ever again.

I know I'm probably supposed to take the high road.
I know we're supposed to love all of God's creatures, and whatever.
But at the end of the day, I think it's ok to hate just one person.
Because we can't like everybody, and not everybody can like us.

And also some people are total fucking assholes.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Too Far.

True? Those who boast about being "brutally honest" are usually more brutal than honest. -Lori Palatnik

We all know that fights can get ugly.
We cry, we yell, we lose our fucking minds sometimes in the heat of fighting for what we want, fighting to be heard, fighting to get something heavy off of our chests. 
Sometimes it seems as though the more you care about someone, the uglier the fights can be.
Is this because they know you well enough to know exactly what your sore spots are? 
Because they love you so much that they care enough to really fight passionately with you, desperately trying to fix whatever is broken? 
Or is it because the more we know someone, the more we know their faults, their cracks, the things about them that we don't particularly like, and these things, over time, begin to stand out more in our minds than the good things?
With the passing of years, does it become harder to recognize the spectacular and fascinating things about a person, simply because they become common and routine? So much so that their faults, the things about them that we probably see a fraction of the time that we see their positive attributes, begin to stand out so much, that in the heat of an argument, they become nothing more than the sum total of all their mistakes, all their vices, all their short comings? 

We've all said things in arguments that we didn't mean, and probably even more of us have said things in arguments that we did mean, but never should have said, because honesty is rarely a good reason for cruelty.
After the dust settles and everything is out there on the table, is there a point when you've been too honest, or too careless with your words, that there's no going back? 
A point when you've crossed a line in someone's heart, and they just can't look at you the same anymore.

After a recent fight with a loved one, I couldn't help but wonder: how far is too far? 

Maybe it all comes down to who you are, what your triggers are, what soft and vulnerable parts of yourself exist in places that should not be trampled on. Areas of yourself that are so delicate, if they're struck with just the right force, timing, and swiftness, they harden to that person forever.

Maybe it all comes down to whether or not what was said was true. If the person meant it, and really sees you that way.
Maybe relationships disintegrate over words said in a fight, if those words were crushing, and also honest. 
If they accidentally revealed the truth behind something that means the two of you can no longer continue down the same path together in life. Perhaps you could have, for a while, when they were the only ones who knew how they really felt, and you were following along behind them in blind, blissful, ignorance. But now that it's there, sitting between you and this person that you love, there's no going back to that.

All you can do is hope that you can live with what you've learned.
That the light that's been shed on your relationship, and the way the other person feels about it - and you - isn't so blinding, that you have to turn away, and never look back.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Happy Easter.

Happy Easter

Well, guys. Here we are again...

Another fucking Easter.

I had a whole post planned about how much I hate this holiday, and about how much I hate doing kid-oriented holidays {which, I'm sorry, if you're not religious this is really a kid oriented holiday in my opinion} by myself, and it was very whiny, and self involved, and ridiculous.

But then I deleted that shit.

Sometimes you have to write down all the shit that's really pissing you off, and totally bitch about how crappy your stupid life is, and how much you're suffering, and how unjust it all is, in order to see it there on digital paper, and be, bitch.
Calm down, and delete that business, because life is good.
You're making money, the kids are healthy and alive and all that, you had some pretty bomb Cajun food this week.
It's all good.
And really, you only hate holidays because you don't like your blood-related family, and you're pissed that by this age you still haven't picked up a new one.

I totally thought someone would've adopted me by now.

We all know I hate Easter, but I'll survive it.
We all know I hate doing kid holidays alone, but I'll survive that too. Also I just found out that Bill is coming over tonight to help me hide eggs and pour drinks, because hiding eggs is a lot more fun for me when I've had exactly two Flirtinis, so I'm actually pretty stoked.

For those of you who love Easter, happy Easter.
I hope it's filled with chocolate and family and Christ wandering around outside his tomb and stuff.
For those of you who don't love Easter, happy Margarita Sunday.
I hope it's filled with Margaritas and people to drink them with and nobody getting arrested.

This isn't Christmas, after all, you guys. 
Save the domestic violence and DUI's for the real holidays.