Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Hi, You.

Just short of two years have passed since the last time I was here.

A lot has changed, a lot has happened.

Do you ever sometimes envy people can have entire years where nothing huge happens? Nothing major changes? You can see them two or three years later and they genuinely have no big news. 

I mean sure, that seems so boring I'd probably want to die, but there are days when it seems easier, doesn't it?

I stopped writing here because it got too crowded. Too noisy with the opinions and comments of others. Too full of prying eyes who were only here to satisfy their voyeuristic curiosity, and then pretend they knew me. And it became somewhat hurtful and intrusive for the people in my life who didn't necessarily enjoy being written about. I got tired of hearing about it so I just stopped.

And then I missed it.

Writing here is different than writing in a journal or a notebook and tucking it into your nightstand drawer.
This feels closer to screaming on the edge of a canyon, or confessing to a priest.

It's like you're talking to someone, only without consequence.
Giving up all your words to the Universe and when the last period hits the page and you click "post" it's out there, out of your body and off of your chest and maybe useful to some stranger, some random reader who stumbles across it and sees themselves in your words. It's not in your nightstand drawer, haunting you. It's not rolling around in your chest, weighing on you. 

It's been given away, but it hasn't been wasted.

I don't know how often I'll write or what will become of this space. But I know I missed writing and I know I missed talking to the ambiguous "you" that blog audiences are.

So at least for now, here I am. Still just dancing in the dark.