The Little Things

When I was younger my friends and I were always making lists of qualities and attributes that our dream man would possess. 

We included things like "romantic, funny, honest, smart", sometimes even getting as detailed as "brown hair, green eyes, 6'3 - oh and drives a convertible.

Convertibles were the shit in the 90's.

As I've gotten older though, I've learned that those things almost never matter as much as you think they will.

It's the little things that make you fall in love.

By the time you make it to 25 - or more conservatively 30 - there are very few women in the world who can say that they've never met a man who was the perfect guy on paper: loyal, honest, handsome, stable, everything you're supposed to want, that they just never were able to fall in love with.

A man that is perfect in so many ways it's infuriating, but for whatever reason, they never become more than a relationship that almost happened, but didn't.

  Instead we fall in love with people who on paper probably look all wrong for us. People who don't look very much like that ideal man we'd built in our heads with bullet point requirements and the perfect inseam length. All because of a bunch of little, unexpected things.

The way that you haven't had to tell them how you like your coffee since the very first time they ever asked.

The way they reach for your hand when they're driving.

The nickname they gave you on your third date that feels more like your name now than your legal one.

The little things that they do for you that seem to anyone else as completely inconsequential, but ultimately show you how much they truly understand you at your core.

The love of my life was 17 years older than me, and took 3 years to tell me he loved me.
We had an almost insurmountable number of obstacles, but he was the first guy who ever held my hand in the car. He had a dead-pan sense of humor, and even when I was super pissed, he could make me laugh. When we slept he wrapped his entire body around mine like a ladle, and even though he thought he was a terrible dancer, he danced with me. In clubs, in the living room, at concerts.
I loved that.

And that's how love happens.
Unexpectedly, out of nowhere, and with someone you might never have imagined for yourself.

You don't always fall for the cookie cutter definition of perfect.

More often than not, you love the one who drives you fucking crazy, someone a little broken, someone unexpected. Maybe you bicker with them more often than you planned, or you don't love that they're a bartender with a law degree they don't use and no plans to ever change that, but you love how they tickle your back and kiss your neck, and that weird little patch of hair on their lower back, right above their ass.

Bottom line is: they have a way of catching your heart in their hands like a frantic bird, and calming it.

And in a world full of potentially "better" options, you feel like they're the only perfect option for you.

Top 20 Reasons Why Being Single Is The Best.

1. You get to pick which movie to see every time you go the theater. Ryan Gosling, here I come.

2. You save so much money on makeup.

3. You really have a chance to work on expanding your flannel pajama collection.

4. You finally get some good use out of that old library card. 122 books later, and you're definitely a more attractive option to potential suitors.

5. You can get back to your roots by skipping things like shaving your legs or plucking your eyebrows.

6. You have more than enough time to catch up on all your favorite shows....plus every other show or movie available to watch instantly on Netflix.

7. You get the best spot on the couch when you're watching TV, everytime. Hell, you can take up the WHOLE Goddamn couch, because you're definitely not expecting company any time soon.

8. Getting in touch with your inner Taylor Swift.

9. On Valentine's Day, you're totally off the hook for coming up with something cute or romantic to do for the one you love. Because you have no one to love. At all.

10. Getting reacquainted with white wine and Cosmo.

11. Rediscovering your love of cats. Especially large quantities of cats. The more the better.

12. Eating ice cream for dinner. Go ahead and eat it straight out of the carton too. Fuck bowls. Aint nobody got time for that!

13. Really making the most of your unlimited cell phone minutes by calling all of your girlfriends. Every day. Twice.

14. Discover new music by Googling "Best songs to cry to"

15. Heartfelt conversations with the grocery store check out girl, the pizza delivery guy, and the automated teller at your bank's 24 hour customer service line.

16. Honing those unrequited love poem skills you thought you'd forgotten after middle school.

17. A new found appreciation for the subtle art of stalking.

18. Weight gain makes your boobs bigger. Just sayin'

19. Having time for all the DIY projects on Pinterest. Toilet paper roll art? No problem. Wine cork Christmas wreath? Absolutely. Painting every single wall in your house with chalkboard paint? Bring. It. On.

20. Two words: yoga pants.

Notes from the Newly Single: Dating Again

So, apologies for not providing a detailed update to all of you, but in the short version, I'm going to say I'm back to being single. 

Holy wow. 

For the first time in three in a half years, I actually have to start thinking about what I want in a boyfriend or partner or whatever the term is now. I have to start thinking about what I'm looking for from square one again. It's weird. I was in love with Bill for so long, and he fit the mold almost exactly of everything I knew I wanted, and he also showed me a great deal of things I never thought were important to me, but I realized while being with him that they are. Things he did, or characteristics about him that I don't want to go on living without now that I know how awesome they are. I also learned a few things I always thought were important to me, really aren't as much at the end of the day. 

All that considered, you'd think I'd have the blue prints for my soulmate all mapped out in my mind, but I don't. I have to start from the ground up, start with the littlest things. What should they look like? I was instantly attracted to Bill, and haven't really had to look at any other man and decide if I was truly attracted to him enough to date him in a long time. What do I want them to do for fun? Is it a deal breaker if they hike a lot and I hate hiking? Is it a big deal if they don't like to go to the movies, or the only movies they watch have Vin Diesel in them? {read: stupid movies} How important is there religion to me? Would I date someone that was like really into his dog? You know those guys who are like "It's me and my dog, man, package deal!" and they almost act like their dog is their life partner and you're the mistress? Actually, I already know the answer to that. 

When you've been with someone you had all those little things in common with for so long, someone that got your sense of humor, understood your moods, liked the same shit you liked and took the time to pay attention to all the little details of things that made you happy, it's super unnerving to imagine going out and trying other people on for size. 

The ways in which they can disappoint you seem endless.

It feels like job hunting.

This one is a perfect role, but I hate the hours.

This one is right by my house but doesn't pay enough.

This one is great but doesn't provide benefits.

This one looked good until I met my future boss, or my potential co-workers.

This one doesn't even provide coffee in the breakroom.

I hate the idea of getting through the first 3 or 4 or 5 dates, only to realize that they shoot bunnies in their free time or don't hold the door open for me or blow their nose at the dinner table, and have to start all over at square one.

It sounds so exhausting.

But a little exciting at the same time.

First dates, first time holding hands, first kisses. All the little things you do have in common that you start off with. Like painting by numbers, and starting with the greens. The little place holders we put in to keep us feeling like we're right for each other, until the bigger moments can come along and hopefully slide into their place.

I guess it's when they don't that you have to start all over again, but still getting to know people is always kind of fun.

Delighting at the fact that you both love Charlotte's Web over dinner where you accidentally order the same thing, and you laugh and go "Oh we have so much in common"

It might be a fiery train wreck at the end, but at least the appetizers were good.