Tuesday, July 31, 2012

More Things I Don't Get

I think it's official. 
I'm incapable of being successfully trendy. I try, I do, but I just never seem to understand the majority of trends. 
Pinterest never seems to fail in the area of giving me more shit I just don't get. Sometimes when I'm browsing it's pages {for hours} I stumble upon things that make me think "why?"
Things like:

Wine Cork Crafts
Wine cork wreath

wine cork coaster

wine cork projects--wine cork frame

Wreathes, coasters, picture frames, cork boards...the ideas are endless. And ridiculous. As the daughter of a hoarder, I sometimes want to comment on these things and remind people: wine corks are trash. They are no better than the lids to your milk cartons. And really, you only get them from finishing a bottle of wine. So having enough to make a HUGE wreath out of them...doesn't that really just scream "Look what an alcoholic I am!" I mean, if you saw someone collect all their cigarette butts and paint them fancy colors, then make shit out of them, you'd be disgusted. Why is this any better? Because wine is classier?
Um, if you've ever seen a housewife on her  4th glass of white after an emotional episode of Sex and the City, you'd find nothing classy about wine.

The Obsessive Need to Improve Things:
Never peel and egg again. Just slice it in half then scoop it out with a knife. -Really? Cuz peeling an egg is so fucking hard?
Do you know where I got the above picture?
From a pin about how you don't have to peel hard boiled eggs if you cut them in half and then scoop the insides out with a spoon.
Because it's so fucking hard to peel a damn egg?
And because busting out TWO utensils instead of using your damn hands and a garbage bag actually makes anything any easier?
Don't get me wrong, I am all for improving life in small ways and I have found endless ways to organize my house, exfoliate my face and spend 200 bucks a month on groceries for 3 people.
But some improvements are just stupid.
I want to see a pin that's about using something for it's actual purpose.
Making Fat Foods Skinny Foods:
I don't get this, and not only do I not understand it, it pisses me off. DON'T MAKE MY FAT FOODS SKINNY.
If I am going to break down and eat junk food, I want the satisfaction of eating my self loathing in the form of saturated fat, calories, refined sugars and carbs. Glorious, glorious carbs.
If I want to eat healthy, I want it to taste freaking healthy so I can feel smug and self righteous about myself after eating it.
I don't want to be all "Oooh that cucumber tasted like pizza thanks to this recipe I found involving chili powder and Quinoa" I want to be all "Hey, that cucumber I just ate tasted EXACTLY like a damn cucumber and I ate it anyway. ON PURPOSE. I rule!"
Some awesome "skinny" recipes you can find online:
skinny taste
Skinny cheese fries. What. The. Fuck.
Skinny Taste BBQ
Skinny barbecue
skinny taste!
Skinny quesadillas.

Really, just fucking shoot me.

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