Happy Valentines Day

Today is another Valentines Day in the course of my life. My 23rd. I love Valentines Day. I know most people don't, they feel like it's a made up holiday, or just another day to feel depressed about being single, but I have always loved this damn holiday. I love special days. Days that come with little habits, rituals and special traditions. Days that just have an air of magic and memory to them. Valentines day is the day of love and togetherness. What could be better than that?! It's the day when you tell everyone you love that you love them. So what if you're single?? Tell your kids, tell your friends, your parents, your siblings, whoever it is you love, tell them so today. Do something small and special because they're special to you and you want them to know!

Incidentally this is my first Valentines Day that I have spent as a single person since the 3rd grade when Billy Swanson held my hand on the playground, and gave me a red heart valentine that said "I luv U" in pencil. From that moments, until exactly 48 hours later, we were an item. And I had a Valentine every year after that. Except this one. It is weird experiencing this holiday alone for the first time. No roses, no wine, no over priced dinner and no reason to wear high heels. I am right now, sitting on my bed in yoga pants and a t-shirt, with mismatched socks like always, blogging about my aloneness with my hair in messy pigtail braids and my kids in the other room brushing their teeth. I didn't put on makeup today. I had a meeting with a client, did some grocery shopping and made dinner. I chatted online with my friend in California like I do every night. Nothing special. No one asked me out. I asked someone to dinner, but like I assumed he would, he declined my invitation. I will go to bed tonight by myself, and wonder what next Valentines Day will bring. I can't decide if I am sad or not. I thought I was earlier, until I picked my kids up from school.

Lainie ran up to me with a handmade valentine on purple construction paper with flowers and hearts that said "Happy Valentines Day Mommy" and Jack ran to me, holding out a half eaten sugar cookie on which was scrawled "Moom" in smeared blue icing. He had eaten the first cookie he decorated for me, then half of the second one. But I got half of a cookie and I couldn't have felt more loved.

Love is everywhere, big and small. My kids run to me when I pick them up every day, and they yell my name. My friends text me when I don't feel good and babysit when they can so I can go out. My dad thinks of me, in his own whimsical way and texts me every few days to say he loves me. Love is there, whether you're single or not. Whether it's valentines day or not.

Happy Valentines Day anyway.