Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Our Love Story: Part Two

Before you read this, you should read Part One, if you haven't already.

As I stood there, at 1 in the morning, leaning up against Bill's car, completely lost in his kiss, my head began to spin. 
I liked this guy. 
I really liked this guy.
He was funny, he was sweet, he was charming and a gentleman, and he was considerate, and oh dear God he was handsome. 
And his kiss......*sigh*
I was a little tipsy, and I had an idea what Bill might be thinking, given how we were now kissing, what time it was, and how many drinks we'd both had. I quickly tried to decide if I would go home with him or not if he asked me. Let's get one thing straight, I am not a slut, I am not easy, but I am also my own person. In the past, if it felt right, I went with the moment. I didn't want to do that this time, even though it felt so so right. I wanted Bill to like me, and even more, I wanted him to respect me. 
I decided if he asked, I would not go home with him.
He asked.
I went home by myself.
The next day when I woke up, Bill was the first thing I thought about. His kiss, his smile, his eyes, his everything. 
I was beaming. 

As awesome as our first date was, and as well as we got along, and as crazy as I was about him, I want to tell you that we fell easily into a happy relationship, and fell madly in love with each other. But I warned you in the beginning, a lot of this story isn't very romantic. It's real.
Bill was separated, not divorced yet, and he was in the midst of an ugly, ugly divorce and custody battle with his ex-wife. Add to that the fact that he owned one {if not two} business at the time, that he was struggling to keep afloat in a shitty economy,  AND the fact that I had two babies of my own, it's needless to say that we had very little time for each other. And by very little, I mean, like almost none. At one point we didn't see each other for 3 straight weeks, and we had already decided we were a couple. We were officially together. 
It was hard. 
I wanted a lot more time with him. I mean, shit I at least wanted to see him once a week, but he just didn't have the time to give, nor {which I found out much later} the energy, emotionally or physically. It was sad. I missed him all the time, he felt frustrated and inadequate all the time. It helped no one, and eventually, after only 3 months together, we broke up. 
I remember crying myself to sleep, and thinking "If we had more time together he would realize how awesome we could be together, and he would make more time for us." It was nonsensical, it was sad, and it was severely misguided. I thought I knew the whole story about what Bill's life was like, and I thought my expectations were completely reasonable.
I found out much later that in fact, I didn't know shit.

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