Monday, April 16, 2012

Monday Momisms: When Your Baby Makes Out With You

Jackson, age 1

Does your kid ever try to make out with you?
Must just be mine.
The other night I was playing with Jack, tickling him and giving him kisses, and we were laughing and having a great time, when all of a sudden my super affectionate little angel got a little too affectionate.
He grabbed my face to give me a smooch, like he always does, when suddenly I felt something quite wet, and realized he had tried to tongue kiss me.
I panicked a little a shrieked, which he found hilarious, and made him only try to kiss me even more.
"Why are you licking me?!" I said, probably a little too loud.
"I wanna kiss you like a puppy!" he giggled, grabbing my face again and moving in for the kill.
I gave him a quick peck and shooed him off to play.
"I licked Mom on the face!" He yelled to Lainie excitedly, to which she replied "Ewwww gross!"
Ummm, hold your judgment there, Lainie Bear. 
She totally did the same shit when she was little.
She told me one day when she was at the sweet age of 2, that she wanted to kiss me like a Prince kisses a Princess.
Before I could process what she was saying, she'd grabbed my face in a death grip and gave me a big, sopping, open mouth kiss.
I was more than a little surprised.
I'm starting to wonder if my kids are the only ones that start assaulting people with their violent slobber smooch's at the ripe young ages of 2 and 3, or if I have some how fucked them up so badly that they just go around tongue kissing anyone because they don't know how to keep their mouths closed during social interactions.
Just another one of those wonderfully awkward moments that comes with being a mom.
Fucking kids are so weird.
But adorable.
But seriously really weird. 


  1. Your posts always have such a great combination of wit and humor :)

    1. Aww what a nice thing to say :) I always thought my posts were a great combination of disillusionment and bourbon, but your description is far better.

  2. Just came across your blog and literally laughed out loud. What an adorable story! I can't say that I look forward to things like being licked, but I do love the cute things that kids do. They make for the best memories :)

    1. Why thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it! I've found the weirder the behavior is, the more you'll smile about it later when you think back to it.