Sunday, July 8, 2012

25 Thoughts on Turning 25


I turn 25 in exactly 1 month from today.
It's weird, this birthday this year.
I was in such a different place last year when my birthday came, that it's hard to believe I'm where I am now.
Hard to believe in a good way, like if someone gave you a million dollars for Christmas. You would barely be able to believe it, but you'd be happy about it, savvy?
Last year before my birthday I did 24 thoughts on turning 24
Thinking I would keep with tradition, here are 25 thoughts about turning 25.
Just like last year, but with 1 additional thought. 

1. This will be the 4th birthday that I've had since I've met Bill, but the 1st where we will be an official couple for it. That's simultaneously weird, and completely normal to me now.

2. 4 days after my last birthday I got engaged to someone I barely knew. Here's hoping that doesn't happen this year.

3. I still hate telling people what I want for my birthday. I've always hated it, but somehow I guess I thought that at some point I'd be less embarrassed by it. I know girls {and guys} that are totally fine emailing out wish lists to their entire families and all their friends around their birthday or Christmas. I get itchy if I am forced to mention even one thing I'd like to receive. 
I feel like it makes me materialistic, greedy or selfish. Or demanding. Even though I don't see other people who ask for specific things that way at all, and I get super irritated when people won't just tell me what they want for their damn birthday {side eye: Bill}. 

4. Every year for the last 3 birthdays I've had, I've gone to a bar and gotten hammered with some friends. This year I would be overjoyed if I could have a really delicious dinner with Bill, and then see a movie or take a day drive somewhere or something. I'm down for drinking, but I think I have arrived at the point of hating bars.

5. I don't feel 25. But then again I didn't feel 24 either. I've always felt older. I wonder if I'll ever arrive at an age that feels appropriate to me.

6. If I buy myself a birthday present, it will either be a new TV or a dining room table. Exciting, I know.

7. Sometimes I wonder if I've become more boring with age. If settling down has made me safer, but also duller. It's kind of a fear of mine.

8. There was a time in my life when 25 seemed really, really grown up. Like I'd have it all figured out by now. I wish I could go back to that younger version of me and tell her  "You'll never know what the fuck you're doing"

9. I've never ever wanted a surprise party. Something about them gives me anxiety.

10. An absolutely ideal {and completely unrealistic} birthday weekend, would be a surprise trip to Vegas or Sedona with Bill. In a perfect world it'd be a road trip, because I love road trips, but it's hard enough to get Bill to sit in a car whilst you drive across town. I'm pretty sure he bought a plane so that he'd never have to drive across state lines again. If I couldn't have that, waking up to banana pancakes and good coffee would be a very close 2nd. 

11. I still don't know where I stand on the idea of legal, traditional marriage. I know that a forever kind of commitment to another person would be fine with me, but something about the whole legal marriage thing just throws me off. I don't really know why. Isn't promising to love another person forever the same thing whether you sign a marriage license or not? Why am I OK with the commitment but scared of a piece of paper?

12. I still feel a lot of guilt over the way I handled everything around my last birthday. How openly I flaunted my new {and ridiculous} rebound relationship, without simultaneously having the balls to admit any of it to Bill. It's hard for me to read my birthday post from last year without cringing at myself. I was trying so hard to be OK. I could not have looked more broken.

13. When I was little, basically up until my 10th or 11th birthday, my favorite cake and ice cream combo was strawberry cake and rainbow sherbet.  Now I'm a pizookie kind of girl.

14. I've started checking for grey hairs this year. Yep. 

15. Nice try mirror, but, clearly those are my mom's boobs you're showing me.

16. If you do want some ideas of what I'd like for my birthday, look here. No pressure or anything.

17. It's harder than I thought to come up with 25 things about being 25. 

18. Yes, there is a china hutch on my "wish list" board on Pinterest. I told you, I've become boring.

19. This time last year I was a midwifery apprentice. Now I'm a department coordinator for a real estate developer. Talk about polar opposites.

20. After we got back together, Bill gave me a necklace for my birthday last year that I have taken off a total of 1 time since he put it on me that night. 

21. For the first time in my life, I hope nothing changes between now and my next birthday. I am just exactly where I want to be.

22. There is no 22

23. Birthdays are my favorite holidays. I love my friends birthdays, and my kids'. I like trying to make them as special as possible. There's just something very sweet about celebrating and making a big deal out of the day a person was born.

24. I love cheesecake. Just saying.

25. Last year I wondered what it would be like looking back on that birthday, this year. I think I've done a lot of that recently. So much has changed. And I think all for the better. That's the first time I've ever been able to really say that. 
All I want is for things to keep getting better. To keep the people I have now, and maybe add a few more to love over the next year. But by my next birthday, I want to be able to say that I'm still where I always wanted to be. The ground didn't fall out beneath my feet, there were no major losses or forced life changes. Everything has just flowed forward the way life should.

A girl can dream.

1 comment:

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