Tuesday, October 2, 2012

20 Ways to Ruin Your Own Life Post Break Up

If we had a restaurant...and exactly why we don't.

1. Forget to go grocery shopping. Then just put it off altogether. Do this for weeks until the take out boxes have piled up and you can no longer see your waist line.

2. Tell your friends repeatedly that you'd love to hang out. Blow them off repeatedly to see your boyfriend. Call them crying when he breaks up with you and expect them to be there for you.

3. Accidentally send a text you meant to send to your ex, to your dad.

4. Go to the grocery store in your pajamas without showering for a couple days, in the same shirt you've been wearing since Friday. Discover that several people you work with shop at the same store.

5. Go to a bar by yourself and spend the entire time on your phone so no one can talk to you. Wonder afterward why nobody talked to you.

6. Load your instant queue on Netflix with movies you know you shouldn't be watching. The Notebook. Sleepless in Seattle. We Don't Live Here Anymore. Call your ex 6 times whilst crying-after each movie. Wonder why he isn't holding up his end of the "let's be friends" deal.

7. Briefly consider the idea of arranged marriages and mail order husbands.

8. Yell at the guy at BevMo because he made a mean comment about his fiance and even though you don't know him you're pretty sure he's damn lucky to have her, and why do men always take good women for granted?! Don't resist when the police come.

9. Tell your girlfriend at work who just started seeing a new guy that relationships are pointless and life is empty and meaningless so why the hell bother? This makes for great lunch time conversation over the giant plate of nachos you're eating by yourself.

10. Blog obsessively about your breakup.

11. Facebook every emotion you have. Poeple want you to overshare. You're interesting and fascinating.

12. Come up with any plan ever at all that you think will win back your ex. Tell people about it like you really believe you're not insane.

13. Cry in front of your boss.

14. Cry in front of strangers.

15. Cry from the moment you wake up until you go to sleep and don't even try to hide it.

16. Actually look into mail order husbands and arranged marriages. Back out when you remember that you'll actually have to sleep with your purchased husband.

17. Put your headphones on at work and get really into a Celine Dion song. Start singing it out loud without realizing it. Loudly. On repeat.

18. Stop wearing make up, doing your hair trying at all.

19. Look at your ex's facebook.

20. Decide that you're pretty sure he's going to come back, and start turning down dates, asking your friends not to set you up, and even continuing to talk about him like you're still together. After all, good comes to those who wait, right?


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