Monday, October 15, 2012

Worst YOLO Statuses Ever

I hate this YOLO trend. I have from the moment I first saw a YOLO meme, that probably said something about drinking an entire fifth of alcohol by yourself in one night and ending up on Girls Gone Wild, but then excusing it all by throwing YOLO at the end of your actions.
Because apparently only having one life makes it OK to waste it on stupid and potentially life threatening behavior.
I just don't get youngsters anymore.

So, my best friend and I decided to have a good old fashioned text message joke off, coming up with the worst YOLO things we could.
If you're not our friend yet, you probably want to be.

1. Told my Aunt that I only came to Uncle John's funeral for the bitches and the drinks. YOLO

2. Punched the Walmart greeter in the mouth for looking at me like he knows me. YOLO

3. Bought a windowless panel van and drove around the park real slow for hours. YOLO

4. Convinced Grandma I'm not actually real. YOLO

5. Spiked the coffee of my smug co-worker who's always talking about how he's been sober for over 8 years, with Vodka and Cocaine. YOLO

6. Asked the HR director at my office 3 questions in the same day about the company's policy on medicinal Marijuana. YOLO

7. Got my 4 year old nephew drunk on Jagermeister and Pixie Stix. YOLO

8. Made awkward noises during my Gyno exam. YOLO

9. Took a shit on my dad's bed for eating all the cereal, AGAIN. YOLO

10. Made intense and relentless eye contact with my boss while eating a banana. YOLO

11. Went to the gym locker room and stared intensely at anyone undressing. YOLO

12. Just punched Grandma in the throat for walking in on me masturbating. YOLO

13. Tried to bribe a police officer to taze me. YOLO

14. Asked my boss if I could go home early because I accidentally got drunk at breakfast. YOLO

15. Audibly farted in a job interview. Blamed it on the woman interviewing me. YOLO

In conclusion, you do only live once, kids. So make it count by being a person of value with a fucking amazing sense of humor, not by being a constantly intoxicated asshole who makes awful decisions and then brags about it, because the fact that they'll die someday makes everything OK.

And stop making obnoxious Meme's about your shitty decisions, or I'll cutabitch.
All one word.

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