Wednesday, November 7, 2012

How to Stay Home on Friday Night


1. Don't check your Facebook. This will inevitably be the Friday night where every other person in the world, is going out doing something awesome. All the other Friday's that you went out and got stupid, your entire friends list was staying home "having a nice quiet night in with the fam!" But the night you decide to stay home, they're all out fighting tigers and scuba diving and the barrier reef and partying with Ke$ha on Batman's party bus. This will not make you feel better about curling up with a bag of Dorito's and your Netflix instant queue. 

2. Don't text the friends that you have who still go out and party like 18 year olds. They will ask what you're doing, and then give you endless amounts of shit about it until you want to kill yourself. You will briefly consider ripping off your faded flannel pajama pants, donning your mini skirt and chasing them down at the club. Don't do that. Staying home is good for you. Be strong.

3. Make sure you have plenty to do. Buy a new book, rent some movies, get an awesome pair of pajamas and squishy socks, and as much shitty food as you can eat before you vomit. Surround yourself with little things that make you happy. That's why you're staying home, remember? To make YOU happy, all on your own, without booze or fake friends, glittery meaningless distractions. 

4. Don't feel like a loser. When that mental dialogue starts, stop it. You're doing something profoundly good for you. Learn to be alone and be ok with it. Learn to be alone and have a great time. Get some extra sleep, do your body a favor and have some ice water instead of Vodka water, and remember how fun reading Cosmo is while watching Sex in the City.

5. Start a Pinterest account.

6. Write a handwritten letter to a friend.

7. Feel smug and self entitled about how grown up and mature you are, staying home and making physically and financially wise decisions.

8. Last but not least, do not, I repeat, DO NOT, start drinking. Drinking alone on a Friday night will not only make you feel like a complete and total creepy ass loser, but it's a slippery slope that inevitably ends with you drunk dialing your friends, Pizza Hut, all your ex-boyfriends and buying footy pajamas with cats on them on Amazon. 
No drinking.

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