Friday, May 3, 2013

The Friday Diary: I will never ask for something exciting to happen ever again. Or at least not until the next time I get bored.

So, remember last week when I was all "I'm in a rut, I need something new and exciting to happen"?
Well, be careful what you wish for, kids.
That morning, I got in a car accident on my way to work.
I'm fine, and the guys WHO REAR ENDED ME AT A RED LIGHT is also fine, and my car isn't too damaged, so it's not a major deal, but still, I'm still sort of pissed about it.
Also, that weekend my friend tried to do something fun and exciting for me, and it basically fell apart in a flaming pile of shit because I am the worst.
So you just remember that the next time you ask for something NEW and something EXCITING because it will most likely be a car accident and a drunken fight in Scottsdale at 11 p.m.
This week I dared myself to go an entire week without complaining.
I planned to be stoic and serene and more diplomatic than usual, but I was not.
I am a whiny bastard, and I complained just as much as usual.
Also, Lainie brought home a permission slip this week for Sex Ed, except now they try and trick you by calling it "Human Growth and Development", but its still absolutely sex education.
First of all, she's in third grade.
I don't remember it starting that early when I was kid. The first sex ed class I had was in sixth grade, and it was awkward as all hell because instead of bringing in an instructor, our regular every day teacher taught it, and listening to words like "Vulva" and "Penis" and "Ejaculate" come out of her mouth was just too weird.
Second of all, I don't know how I feel about the state teaching my kid about sex.
I mean these are the same people who completely leave out the fact that the first slave owner was black, or that it was the Republican party that formed with the intention of abolishing slavery, or that Charlie Chaplin looked a lot like Hitler, but they weren't actually the same person. For years I thought Hitler was an actor turned politician, and his later actions seriously tainted my views on whether or not actors should be allowed to run for office, making the time that Arnold Schwarzenegger was running in California very stressful for me.
In the end I signed the permission slip, but this weekend Lainie and I will be going to Taco Bell for lunch and a proper sex education. An experience which I hope will completely educate her on the issue of sex and her body, and also ruing Taco Bell for her forever. Win, win.
Things are pretty regular in the world of Jackson.
He's still sweet and affectionate and super weird.
He's obsessed with cats, which is adorable, but the other night he told me he wanted hundreds of cats so he could cut off their hair and make a blanket out of it.
I still can't make eye contact with him after that.
This weekend I'll be partying down with my hetero-lifemate Meghan.
I have a full bottle of Crown and a freshly charged iPod, so there may even be some terribly awkward dance party pictures or god forbid videos for you all next week.

Happy Friday.
Let's make this weekend weird.

1 comment:

  1. I'm excited for these upcoming post! Yeah I didn't start sex ed until middle school either.. probably around 6th or 7th grade. Probably a good move to make your own points first (and hope that they make the most impressions). I love when you post the things your kids say. It'll be a great memory later in life, and also it's always entertaining to read! Love the things you put on the page, Sarah. Keep it coming!