Monday, October 14, 2013


A lot of you know the back story on my dysfunctional relationship with my dysfunctional father.
For those of you who don't, I'll sum it up: he's a not very nice, manipulative and controlling person, who lashes out during periods of intense paranoia, delirium, and misguided rage. He has a deep seeded hatred for himself, which projects on all living things that do anything other than cater to him.

This is only a mild exaggeration.

Anyway, in my time on this Earth, I've learned that I have a divine tendency to attract what I project.
This means that for years, when I was his wounded and dejected care-taker, I attracted people who were similar to him, and just as much in need of someone to-without question-do anything for them, and when they fell short {which was inevitable}they should expect nothing less than absolute vengeance and vindictive hatred from the person they had so exhaustively taken care of for so long.

One of the hardest qualities to deal with in people like this, is that their own lack of self-love or self-pride, or whatever it is that is so completely void in them, creates an inability for them to ever be proud or happy or selflessly supportive of another person.
If you try something new, they will mock you.
If you innovate, they will criticize you.
If you grow, they will beat you down.
If you move, they will block you.
If you are brave, they will scare you.

They are not the people to come to with your new idea, your project you've worked tirelessly on for months, your inspiration, your dreams.
They will laugh at it, squeezing it out of shape and then holding it up to the light to point out its imperfections.

It's hard to separate their own fear and self loathing from yourself.
It's hard to step back, and not personalize that.
It's hard to remember it's themselves they're talking to, not you.

And it's hard, but it's important-so. fucking. important.-to remember that you're the one stepping forward, out into the light to test new ground, to grow new wings, to make some shit happen.
They're scared of going with you, and they're scared of you leaving them behind.
You're a leader.
They're cowards.

And lions do not lose sleep, over the opinions of sheep. 

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