Tuesday, May 27, 2014

An Open Letter to my Son About Sex

Dear Jack, 

Every adult around you right now knows the story: last Friday, a confused, twisted, mentally ill 22 year old man opened fire into a crowded area, hoping to gun down as many people as possible, because he'd been rejected by women.
Because all of his self worth and sense of manhood resided in the number of women he had or had not kissed, touched, or had sex with. Women rejecting his sexual advances time and time again had left him feeling as though he were owed something. Because he believed sex to be a prize, a trophy awarded to the best of the best...and he saw himself as the best. He figured he at least deserved a participation ribbon.

Right now you are six, and you have no idea how complicated sex is.
You know where babies come from and how they're made, but your best friend is a girl, and you still think the word penis is hilarious, and you won't have much interest in doing anything other than peeing with it quite a while. 
But someday, that will change.

When it does, I want you to understand that it's OK to have sex, and it's also OK to NOT have sex.
Sex is only wrong when both people aren't 100% aware of  and consenting to the importance of what they're doing, and the consequences involved. Similarly, sex is only good when both people are.
So it's ok to pass on some opportunities because they're not right for you, and it's ok if some girls pass on the same opportunity with you because you're not right for them. 

It will only be good when you're both invested in it, so don't settle for someone who is merely willing, and don't worry about the people who aren't interested.

At the end of the day, sex is not a prize.
It's not a trophy. 
It's not owed to you, nor do you owe it to anyone else.
It's a shared experience between two people who are both super stoked about being there.
It's not a milestone you need to reach by a certain age. It's not a quota of experience you need to match with any of your peers.

It's private, it's personal, and it's unbelievably complicated.

It's not ever worth hurting another person over, and it's never more important than the value of a human life.
Most of the people you meet in this world will have had sex by some point in their life, but I guarantee you there are 1,000 things more interesting about them than all of those sexual endeavors put together, and there always will be about you too.


No comments:

Post a Comment