Friday, April 15, 2011

10 Times You Should Never Apologize

Apologizing. Nobody really likes doing it, especially when they need to do it, and some people just down right never do it, but I think we are all guilty of apologizing when we don't need to, or when we just absolutely shouldn't. I am the worst about this, I apologize for things that are so stupid. Like when someone bumps into me at the store, or when I can't make it some stupid event that I could care less about, that one of my friends wants me to go to, just so they aren't alone. I've decided to compile a list of the top ten things we should just simply never apologize for. Maybe this will help me (and all of you compulsive apologizers out there) to stand my ground more firmly, and hold my head up high when it comes to decisions that others don't like or don't agree with.

  1. For not texting back right away: We've all done it. You're busy, you're running late, you are rushing out the door, trying to get 85839407685 things done at once, and you get a text from someone that you just don't have time to respond to. So you do your 8583985786 errands, and a couple hours later, you finally get back to them, and you feel guilty. Or, you were sleeping, or you just didn't know how to respond right away, or just simply didn't WANT TO! What a crime. Don't apologize. I mean, isn't that why texting was invented? For busy people to send little messages that weren't urgent, and were mostly social? Wasn't it made so we could be social more easily, and more on our terms, as opposed to phone calls which suck up huge chunks of your day, between answering them, having the conversation, trying to get OUT of the conversation, ignoring calls, checking voicemails and wishing your phone would just fall in the toilet? You're busy. It's ok. Write back when you have the time and patience. If it's urgent, they can call you.
  2. For not wanting to be around certain family members during the holidays: Granted, the holidays are a time for togetherness and love and forgiveness and generosity and all that crap, but the fact of the matter is, family is a tricky situation. I guarantee that everyone has at least one family member that they have serious issues with. Either there have been very tender bridges burned in the past, or that person has a drinking problem, is emotionally abusive, a hardcore guilt tripper, judgmental or whatever. Sometimes, some relationships just can't be healed, and some relationships just don't need to exist! You don't get to choose what family you're born into. Friends are the family you choose, and once you're an adult, you also get the freedom of choice to decide what blood relatives you still want to have relationships with. And that's ok. That's your choice. The holidays should be happy and joyous and spent with the people who love and accept you NO MATTER WHAT. Not your crazy religious, judgmental great aunt Sally who always tells you for 3 straight hours which level of hell you're going to if you keep having premarital sex with your long term boyfriend, and wearing such a whore shade of lipstick. Suck it, Sally. I'm not apologizing.
  3. For not feeding your kids all organic food: Or for making any parenting decision that others don't agree with, as long as it doesn't put your children in danger, or cause them direct harm. Not everyone has the budget for organic food, not everyone likes organic food, and not everyone gives a shit about organic food! Yes, your kids should get plenty of fruits and veggies, and nutritious items, but food CAN be nutritious without being organic. Whether it's not feeding organic, or bedsharing, or not bedsharing, or breastfeeding, or homeschooling, you are your kids parent. Do your thing. They can raise their kids however they want. This is your child. Be proud of your choices, and don't apologize.
  4. Not tipping for horrible service: I have a friend who shall remain nameless, who compulsively tips the way I compulsively apologize. She gives 20% NO MATTER WHAT. Your order was wrong? No big deal. Your food was cold? So what. It took 20 minutes to get the water you asked for, and you never got a single refill? I'm sure they're very busy. The waitress was a snotty bitch when you asked her for a side of ranch, which she forgot to bring 3 different times? It goes on and on. No matter how terrible the service was, she will tip. I won't. She always throws a huge fit, and whines about how rude that is, and how it's customary to tip, and how embarrassed she is to be seen with me, and blah blah blah. Yes, it is customary to tip FOR GOOD SERVICE. I tip you because you did a great job, not because you work here. If you are a terrible waiter or waitress, why would I give you a tip, also known as a gratuity. What am I grateful for about terrible service? I will tell a wait person to their face that I am not tipping, and exactly why they didn't get a tip. I am very polite and straight forward about it, but I feel like they should know they didn't earn their tip, instead of finding out they didn't get one and just assuming I am a cheapskate. On the other hand, for excellent service, I have been known to tip up to 50%. I love tipping. When it's earned.
  5. When your kid cries on an airplane: Now, I am not talking about letting your 8 year old throw a huge fit over not being able to watch Taylor Swift videos on your iPad after the captain said to turn off electronic devices, and you sitting there, with your ear plugs in doing nothing. I am talking about when your baby who doesn't know any better and can't help it, cries over something reasonable, and despite your best efforts, you can't calm them down. Don't apologize to the people around you. They know full well when they buy an airplane ticket, they are taking the chance that KIDS will be on the flight. They don't offer separate seating sections for people with kids, that is sound proof and isolated, and they know that. Babies cry. It's a fact of life. People with kids need to get places too, and sometimes, there just isn't anything you can do about it. You're not a bad parent, you're not a circus side show, and no one should treat you like you are because your baby is crying. Do your best, remain calm, and tell that jerk who is mean mugging you from across the isle that if it bothers him so fucking much, why doesn't HE come see if he can make the baby stop crying?! Oh, he doesn't want to? Well then he can suck it!
  6. For not wanting a second date with someone: This should be self explanatory. You go out with someone, and they just aren't for you. You know it as soon as they drop you off, and you feel relieved that the date is over. The problem is, they pretty much love you by now, and totally can't wait to see you again. Let them know, kindly, but in a straight forward fashion that you guys just aren't a good fit, and you're not interested. Plain and simple. Don't make excuses and DO NOT apologize. This gives them the idea that you really really wish things were different, and if things were different, they would have a chance, which for a really desperate person, still seems like an opening for a future together. Make yourself clear, and be unapologetic. It's ok to not like someone, ya know?
  7. For not wanting to go to a kids birthday party: Whether you have kids or not, kids birthday parties are exhausting. There is like 20 million other kids there, running around, screaming, throwing food and acting like crack addicted monkeys who really need a fix, the other parents are either way too strict, screaming at every kid, including yours which makes you want to go blind with rage and beat their ass in the Chuck E. Cheese parking lot, or they don't seem to give a shit, and you're the only one keeping all the little brats from fighting like drunk white girls in the ball pit. Sigh. Some parents throw birthday parties for their very young children, and although they invite all people who have older kids they do not pick a setting that is appropriate for kids older than 1 year. Like a park, where they set up the party right beside a huge duck pond, that is just so tempting to my two year old, who really really really wants to jump in said duck pond, and get the duckies. The parent of the birthday boy doesn't care, cuz her kid can't walk, or better yet RUN off, in the midst of 5829486093490 other kids, forcing HER to jump into the duck poop infested water to fish out her toddler. Ugh. Parties like this, it's ok to opt out of. Unless it's your kids party. Then you better be there. Hang out with the kid on another day, and give him or her a gift and spend some quality time with them, but don't feel like a dick for not wanting to be a part of the birthday party madness that WILL end with several people crying, and you probably getting sick from someone elses dirty kid.
  8. For ordering pizza instead of making dinner one night a week: I have a huge problem with this. I do ALL the meal planning, grocery list making, food buying, food putting away, cooking, post dinner clean up and left over storing/sorting in my house. All of it. Sometimes, by the end of the week, or right in the middle of an especially hectic one, I realize I forgot like half the stuff I need to make that night's dinner, and we don't have anything fast to make, and the kids are screaming and my roommate is crying, and I just don't want to deal with it, so we order pizza. It happens. It's ok. If the other people in your house don't like it, THEY can make dinner for once!
  9. For not lending stuff out: I don't lend books out anymore, period. I never get them back! I have bought four, count em FOUR copies of White Oleander by Janet Fitch because I have loaned it out, and NEVER GOTTEN IT BACK. My high school boyfriend still has my copy of the movie Igby Goes Down, which is one of my favorites. My old boss from American Express never gave back my copy of The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. MY BOSS! You would think she wouldn't steal your shit, right? Wrong. It's your stuff. If you don't want to lose it, and don't feel comfortable lending it out, so be it. Don't say you're sorry.
  10. When you aren't really sorry: This is huge. "I'm sorry" is like "I love you" if you don't mean it, don't say it. If you get in a fight with someone, just because they're sorry and ready to apologize, kiss and make up, doesn't mean you are, and that's ok. Don't say it until it comes from the heart. If you're still mad, it's better just to feel what you're feeling, and not try to fight it and force yourself to feel what you should feel. That doesn't work, and takes up more energy than just processing your real feelings. Plus forcing yourself to get over something before you're ready WILL bite you in the ass later. I promise.
Hopefully this will serve as a friendly reminder for all you compulsive apologizers out there, that it's ok to hold your ground and go against the grain now and again. If it makes you a bitch, oh well. At least you're true to yourself. And I would rather be a genuine bitch who had a close circle of true friends, than a fake Suzy Dicksucker who had all the fake friends in the world. Happy Friday!

1 comment:

  1. I have a feeling you are refering to ryder's birthday party? Lol