1. I have never, ever been out of town with Batman before, and our relationship is still super new. Vacations with a new boyfriend always feel like a lot of pressure to me. I mean, who wants to keep dating someone who they can't have kick ass vacations with?! So it has to be an amazing time, without being too much pressure, and without being too exhausting, and it all gets to be so fucking overwhelming, it's like meeting their parents but more important. This is Vegas we're talking about here.
2. This being our first vacation together, AND this still being a new relationship, one can probably safely assume we have never spent more than like 1 day together. Possibly not even that. I mean, he works, I work, he has kids, I have kids, we're busy people. We have our ritual Saturday night date, and sometimes we have lunch together during the week, but as of right now, we don't get a ton of time together outside of that. This is the first time we will be together for an extended period of time, and I am kind of super nervous. What if I am like really sour candy that's fun in small doses, but after like hour 15, I start to make your tongue bleed?
3. There is a pool at the hotel, and I may or may not be expected to swim in it in Batman's presence. Let's get one thing perfectly straight here: I had Tiny at 16, which means my body bounced back like a fucking bungee jumper. I used to rock my awesome flat tummy and still slightly perky boobs, and I had NO CELLULITE mother fuckers. None. Now, Jedi was huge, my pregnancy with him was hard, and compounded with bedrest and a terrible relationship that caused me to eat my feelings of worthlessness daily, I looked like a fucking trainwreck when I was done being pregnant with him. And guess what? Since the day I delivered his chunkiness, I have lost 6 pounds. He's 3. Ya. Who's got the Xanax?!
4. I have been sort of sick the last few days with this weird swollen tonsil thing that is making it super duper painful every time I swallow anything, and generally bugging the crap out of me. I don't have a fever, and I'm not super tired anymore, so theoretically I can still go to Vegas, but my throat still does hurt, I have no idea if I'm contagious and getting shit faced wasted seems like it would probably make the situation worse. Plus, and not to be way too TMI here, I have absolutely no desire to give....mouth love....with this freakin egg in the side of my neck. How do you properly thank a person for an awesome vacation in Vegas without giving them mouth love?!
These are the biggest causes of my momentary, totally meaningless and completely unjustified freak out over going on vacation with my super cool boyfriend. I mean really, who gets freaked out over going on VACATION?! To Vegas of all places?! I am excited, really I am. But I am also a girl, my vagina still functions, my hormones still rage with the best of them, and I still have these moments of freakish insecurity that I could never show my boyfriend, so I word vomit them to the internet at large. That's way healthier, right?.....Right?