24 Thoughts on Turning 24

1. When I was little, 24 was the age I was most looking forward to turning. I have no idea why. I just liked the sound of saying "I'm 24". Now, it kind of scares the shit out of me.
2. In 6 years, I will be 30. I remember being 15 and thinking "In 15 years, I will be 30" and that thought scared me.
3. I always thought I would be married by now. Now, if I am married before one of my kids graduates high school I will consider that a success.
4. Someone once told me "On every birthday, think back to where you were and what you were like half your age ago. So if you're turning 20, think back to when you were 10, just for fun." Half my age ago I was 12. I was just starting 7th grade, I had terrible insomnia, I was nerdy and socially awkward which I made up for by being overly outgoing and loud. Not much has really changed.
5. 12 years ago my dream husbands were Ron Weasley, Jerry Maguire, Richard Gere from Runaway Bride and Robert Redford. Now, my dream husband is someone that will come home when he says he will and not roll his eyes when I freak out over black bears, zombies and penguins. Or zombie penguins.....A girl can dream.
6. It kind of makes me sad that my 20's are almost half over, and I haven't accomplished half of what I thought I would by now.
7. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what love means, and if I will ever be any good at it.
8. Part of me is still holding out for Prince Charming. Only my Prince Charming arrives in a fast car, throws open the passenger door and says "Get in". He likes zombies, Parks and Recreation, my kind of music and excessive sarcasm, and he pulls me in really hard when he kisses me.
9. I am still afraid of the dark.
10. I have to date, never, ever, ever had a boyfriend on my birthday. Something about that makes me sad.
11. I still don't know what would happen if you had a big swimming pool full of jell-o and jumped in. Would you belly flop, or sink into the middle and get stuck? It's maddening.
12. People watching me unwrap gifts makes me super anxious and uncomfortable.
13. I haven't had a birthday cake since the year I turned 14.
14. Two birthdays ago, I got drunk at Dos Gringos and kissed a Hawaiian baggage handler I'd never met, then skinny dipped in my boyfriends pool at his apartment. My last birthday, I got drunk at Dos Gringos, drank out of a plunger (a clean one) and cried because the guy I liked didn't tell me I looked pretty in my dress. This year, I am not fucking going to Dos Gringos.
15. Handmade gifts are the best ones.
16. I miss blowing out candles.
17. I've always wanted a birthday cake with sparklers instead of candles, actually.
18. When Tiny turns 24, I will have just turned 40
19. I became a legal adult 6 years ago. I moved out on my own, and started my life. And now, looking back, my life as an adult feels like a car that it's taken me 6 years to learn how to drive.
20. Sometimes I think that I still don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
21. If I could be any age again, it would be 8.
22. Every birthday I have, I wonder what it will be like to look back on it by my next birthday. If things will be any different. If I will be surprised by how much has changed, or depressed that I am still in exactly the same place.
23. All I want for my birthday is to know that everything is going to be ok. Oh, and midwifery supplies.
24. Every year, more than happy birthday, I really want to hear someone say that they're really glad I was born.