I Wanted to Be Hollow

I wanted to be as hollow as a thrown out bottle

So that you could pour yourself in

Filling my glass walls to the brim 

Like a child collecting sand in a jar

All your small grains and fragments of stars.

I wanted to be as light as a bird

So that I could feel the wind and the water moving through me

Whistling and singing in my empty space

Ruffling my feathers as blue as morning

And rocking me forward and back as I nestled down in the bushes to sleep.

I wanted to be shiny and new as a clean penny

So that you would see me glistening on the sidewalk someplace

And pick me up

Examine me in the palm of your hand

Check for a date

Slip me into your pocket for good luck and I could be with you the rest of the day.

But instead I feel only heavy

Wet all the way down to my soul

And laden with sorrow

My confusing temperament

My melancholic disposition

My need for your unwavering attention

Your undying devotion 

Leaves dark circles below my eyes that I carry all day long

It tangles my hair

It soils my hands

And I feel neither hollow, nor light, nor clean or free or suited for anything.

I drink the ink from my own pen and turn in circles in bed

Listening to the birds and the wind and clear night sky

Outside my window 

All mocking me.