Monday, October 3, 2011

Things I Would Rather Do Instead of Applying for Jobs

Punch myself in the face as many times as it took to knock myself out. 
{I have little to no upper body strength so this could take some time}

Let someone poop on any part of my body.

Dabble in bestiality. 

Run naked down the street in front of everyone I've ever had a crush on, ever.

Eat beets.

Hang out with that homeless guy that masturbated in front of me and Lucia when we were 18.

Throw up orange juice.

Tase myself.

Break my femur.

Go back to the days before my children were potty trained. 

Someone just hire me for something. Please. I'm pretty awesome. I'm smart, I have huge boobs, and I'll keep you entertained.

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