Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Perfectly Imperfect


I've been thinking a lot about love and relationships, and how those dynamics all work for different people. What works for one couple, would be disasterous for another. What's normal for one couple would drive another crazy, and so on and so on.
Being in the "blog world", I've started to notice that pretty much every blog written by a woman, has a link to her and her beau's love story. The creeper inside me loves this, because if I find a blog I like, I always like it more when I can get to know the writer more intimately. And the curious side of me loves this, because I get to wander through the world of "other people's relationships" and study what makes other relationships tick.
In a love story I read recently, the writer said she loved her husband because he wasn't perfect for her. She said she'd had perfect before, and she couldn't handle it. She needed to work at a relationship, and if it's perfect, there's no work. I found that so interesting, because one of the things that I love most about Bill and I, is that he is perfect for me.  Could I probably be OK in a relationship with someone who wasn't perfect for me? Sure. Could I maybe even be happy, if in this hypothetical life I had never met Bill? Probably. But the way I see it, there is enough mediocre shit in this world, love shouldn't be one part of it. I don't want to be OK, I want to live my life with my best friend, my soulmate, and the love of my life, who is perfect for me, regardless of how imperfect of a person he is.

And now I have everything I could have ever asked for, and more.
I have a boyfriend who continually surprises me, even in small ways, with sweet gestures or kind words, or weekend trips, or unexpected adventures. I have a boyfriend who surprises me by always having more layers of himself for me to discover, explore and learn about, and then fall in love with. I have a boyfriend who calls me on my shit, even when I don't want him to, because I need him to, and he gets that. He says things that are true, even if it doesn't feel good to say it or for me to hear it, because he tries to communicate openly with me, which is something I desperately need in my relationships. I have a boyfriend who works hard, and tries hard, and puts everyone else first, and makes the best plans for the future.

He is perfect for me, but he's not perfect, if that makes sense, and that is what I need. I can't handle being around perfect people. They intimidate me. Bill is flawed, and he's pretty open about that. But for me, he loves me just right, and gets me so well, and gives me so much to look forward to and be thankful about.

I'm not saying it isn't ever hard, of course it's hard! But it's what I've been waiting for since I first ventured into the world of intimate relationships with men.

It's so interesting to me that two people can work so well together, for any number of reasons, but paired up with someone else, it just doesn't work.
I know a couple who has the "never go to bed angry policy" and that works for them. I know a couple who has a "always go to bed angry, sleep it off and apologize over breakfast" policy, and that works for them.

Bill and I are still learning what works for us, but I'm sure it's very different than other couples. At the end of the day, it all comes down to love though, doesn't it? The ties that bond, and the blissful feeling of connecting with another human being in just the right way, in the midst of all the busy, crazy, lonely noise of this big small world.
Isn't that what this life is all about?

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