Sunday, February 26, 2012

Then and Now

Then: I was 18, reckless, wild, foul mouthed, and thought life would always be the way it was then. 

Now: I am 24 and 1/2, mother of two, foul mouthed, and continuously surprised by how life can change in such a short period of time. 

Then on a Saturday night: I would get drunk, smoke too many cigarettes and hang out with dangerous people who made me feel exciting. Who satisfied my need for attention, adventure, and the belief that we never had to grow up. 

Now on a Saturday night: I hang out with my boyfriend after spending a whole day playing with my kids and cleaning my house. He makes me feel exciting, but safe and loved, and we fall asleep tangled up in each other's arms, after a long night of laughs, dinner, a couple drinks and some time on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and a bag of iced circus cookies.

Then I lived: in a one bedroom apartment with three rooms total and a balcony where I spent most of my time partying.

Now I live: in the 'burbs, in a big house with high ceilings and a washer and dryer that I own. I take the trash out to the curb on Sunday night and drive a minivan.

Then I drank: Vodka. A lot and often.

Now I drink: Rum or Patron. Seldom and in much more moderation.

Then I was working: at American Express, coming into work at 12:30 in the afternoon in jeans and a concert tshirt, waiting for the day to end and my night to begin. 

Now for work: I get up at 6 in the morning, shower, do my hair and makeup, dress up in corporate clothes and sky high heels, and think about all the things I have to do that day. I start my day at work by checking emails and sipping a cup of scalding hot coffee.

Then I dated: selfish boys, who were handsome and dark, with narrow waists and loose hipped walks who would lie to me, buy me booze and tell me fairy tales about a future that was never to be.

Now I date: an unbelievably gorgeous MAN who kisses me hello, and tucks me in at night, and is always there for me, no matter what tries to come between us. 

Then I thought: that I would be 18 forever. That I would always maintain a wrinkle free face, the same metabolism and an invincible attitude. 

Now I think: that if I could succeed in loving one man for the rest of my life with all my heart, and raise two kids to be giving, loving, adventurous people, I will have succeeded in a way that so many people have wished to, but did not. And my life will have been lead with purpose. I will have lived a life uncommon, a life worth living. 

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