Things I'm Afraid to Tell You

I'm jumping on the Blogger bandwagon big time with Things I'm Scared to Tell You.

Here goes. 

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I have a shit ton of weird ass phobias. 

I'm not sure I would call them all phobias, most of them just fears. But if you saw the way I behave about them you'd probably call them phobias.

Ventriloquist dummies, obscure diseases, sitting with my back to an open room {especially a dark open room} virtually any sound that I hear at night when I'm home alone, aneurysms, scorpions and taking medicines I've never had before.

I think that's the short list.

But I'm not afraid of heights, clowns, or Ryan Seacrest. Go figure.

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The smell of meatloaf cooking makes me sad.

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I don't shower every day unless there's some reason to, like a bird shit on me, or I feel especially gross. I'm more of an every other day....or even every couple days kind of person.

I know. That's truly disgusting.

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I have an ex-boyfriend's initials tattooed on my stomach.

I plan on getting them removed!

But still, they're there.

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I have a tendency to be kind of judgmental. 

I usually call it something bullshitty like "being good at reading people" or whatever, but really it is what it is, and if I'm being honest it's judging. I don't like this about myself, at all really, and I've been working on it, I promise.

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I have a history of getting fired a lot.

I have a history of getting bored/hating the jobs I take, so I end up slacking off and developing a shit attitude and missing work and blah blah blah until I get fired, because I'm too much of a pussy to just quit.

I plan on being at my current job for quite a while, and that's honestly the first time I've ever said that.

Well, at least the first time I've ever said that and meant it.

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I'm scared that Bill will die before me.

I'm even more afraid that Bill will die before me, before I'm a wrinkly old lady.

I'm scared I'll lose him when I have too many years left to sit around and miss him.

I've never had that fear about anyone I dated before.

I mean, I know we'll all die, and if I thought about them dying it made me sad, but when I think about Bill dying before me I can't stand the thought of being so permanently without him.

I pretty much have to die first, or at least keep him alive until I'm so old that I don't remember who he is when he dies anyway, and I only have a couple more years left to sit around and be confused about it.

I know it's morbid, but I think loving someone a lot kind of brings out those morbid fears more than other things do.

Like how we never think about what would happen if we died until we have kids, and have to think about what would happen to them.

That sort of thing.

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What are you afraid to tell me?