Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Letters to the Universe: Where am I, What am I doing, and Why am I here?

Pinned Image
you can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire
even if we're just dancing in the dark
-Bruce Springsteen

My sister and I like to have long talks about girly things.
When she comes over we sit on my bed like high school kids, while our little ones tear the house apart, and talk for hours about boys, love, intimacy, jobs, kids, fears, dreams and fate.
It always comes back to fate.
Neither of us are religious, and I don't know if I would call myself spiritual, but I-we, believe in the Universe.
We believe that things {most things} happen for a reason, and that there is such a thing as destiny.
You see though, I believe in many destinies. {This may be the post where I lose all my readers. I'm sorry in advance} I believe that our lives are like a series of highways and roads, all connecting at different points, and some choices that we make, not all but some, turn our fate from one road to another. So in a sense, your destiny is ever changing, every evolving, constantly moving toward one of your possible destinies, like a ball rolling one way or another based on what it comes up against.
Like a choose your own adventure novel.
Some fates will be good, some amazing, but I believe there is one that will make you happier than any other.
Maybe this is all confusing, new age BS, but hey, I also believe in unicorns and that wishes made on fallen eyelashes always come true.
So now you know.

Anyway, I believe that we can ask the Universe for things. Like praying, sort of, but less "giving up all control to someone else and letting them deal with it" and more like "Hey, I could totally deal with this shit you gave me to deal with if XYZ would happen."
Maybe that's all a bunch of crap too, but hey, it makes me feel better.

So here goes.

Dear Universe,
I need a sign. Not like a bullshit, hidden in the clovers, millions of possible interpretations kind of psychological fuck-wit sign, but like a big, bold, possible neon {if so please make it pink} sign.
Something that tells me what I'm doing here, why I'm still struggling with this, and what the right move to make is.
I'm starting to feel like I'm living in some one hit wonder 80's song, always asking "should I stay or should I go" {don't even act like you didn't sing that in your head}, and I just need something to happen one way or another.
Something to make this, or something to break this, but whatever it is it has to be the right thing.
I can't just break it and walk away, because I'll always wonder if it was the ONE destiny that would've made me the most happy, but I gave up right before the good part.
And I can't make it on my own.
I need answers, I need clarity, I need to feel secure on the ground beneath me.
I need to know where I am, what I'm doing and why I'm here.

Well, maybe you don't have to spell it out that clearly, but a sign would be good.
Just tell me which way to turn.



  1. I really wish we could like posts, Blogger, please work on that. And universe? Pull your fucking weight here! ;)

    1. Seriously, Universe, get your shit together and help a bitch out!