Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Recent Failures

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1. Mopping. The other night I literally mopped half of my kitchen floor, and then got tired, decided I would finish the rest the next morning, and watched tv for the last hour before bed. That was four days ago. The other half of the floor remains unmopped, and I just keep avoiding eye contact with it. This could go on for weeks.

2. Saving money. Not sure why I thought my March goal of decorating my house, was anywhere near fitting with my 2013 goal for the year, which was to save as much money as possible. Decorating your house and saving money are two things that don't go together easily. It's like one is an uptown girl and the other is the boy from the wrong side of the tracks who secretly has a heart of gold, and you have to watch them play out millions of hilariously predictable hijinx before they realize that they're meant for each other. Or one of them dies of cancer.

3. Writing. Clearly I haven't been writing much lately. I just feel completely unfunny and uninteresting, and why would anyone want to read a bunch of dry, depressing shit that feels very akin to watching old people fall asleep on public benches?
The answer is they wouldn't.

4. Dressing myself. My fly was down four different times in one day. On this day I also happened to be wearing black pants and bright red underwear, and a shirt that in no way even bothered to attempt at covering my fly.

5. Eating properly. I had a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon on it for lunch today. So there's that.

Happy Tuesday, everyone. Here's to bacon and underwear half dirty floors that you're pretending you don't see.

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