Thursday, February 9, 2012

A Crash Course in Office Politics


  • Be nice to everyone
  • Trust no one
  • Gossip with no one
  • Give no firm or official opinions regarding any and all gossip that is told to you
  • Remain neutral and ambiguous until you know everything
  • Neither agree nor decline when asked to take on a new task until you know how long it will take and why it's really being given to you
  • Never underestimate the power of the words "I'll look into it"
  • Save all your emails. They're the only proof you have sometimes. 
  • Take sides in no war
  • Be friendly to everyone
  • Be friends with no one until you've worked there at least 6 months
  • Don't repeat what's said behind closed doors
  • Remember what your mom said: Don't take candy from strangers- or in this case, overly friendly co-workers who are too determined to get in your good graces
  • You will eventually have two different people wanting you to support them in their opposite agendas. There's no easy solution to this.
  • Be nice to the intern.
  • Be helpful to the people in positions lower than yours.
  • It's one thing to help someone, it's another to do their job for them
  • Meetings are an ungodly waste of time. You'll have a lot of them. They make executives feel important and are an excellent opportunity to dump unwanted tasks on those in lower positions-like yours. 

Skate a clean program, and make more coffee if you take the last of it. 

The end. 

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