Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Big Decisions and Irrational Fears


I have a big decision to make.
Really, it's probably an obvious choice.
You might read this and go "Well, obviously you should do XYZ, I mean DUH" 
and you might even be right.
But to me this is hard.
I need a new car.
I mean, not immediately. The one I have right now will probably run another few months. I mean hell it might even last another several months, or GASP! A year!
But it might not.
The tranny is slipping, and if being raised by a mechanic taught me anything, it's that you don't fuck with the transmission. When that starts to go, you're in for a lot of money in repairs, and probably a lot of smaller subsequent problems.
So I'm going to have my brother look at it, but I have a sinking feeling that it's going to need a re-build, or a new tranny, neither of which I can afford out of pocket right now.
And it has 130k miles on it {officially as of this evening actually} so is it worth putting a new tranny into, when it might not go another 30k miles? 
And if it does, by the time it gets that used up, would it be worth anything?
Isn't it better to trade in or sell a vehicle while it still has some semblance of value?
So if I end up needing a new car right now, I'm looking at most likely having to get a loan.
I've never had a car loan before. I've actually never had any kind of loan before. I had a credit card once when I was 18, and that went....exactly how you would expect a credit line belonging to an 18 year old to go. Loans kind of scare me. I mean you have interest rates and monthly payments and if you lose your job you lose your car and if you don't have a car it's really hard to find another job, let alone get to that job once you find it, and if you have a reposession on your credit you can pretty much kiss your chances of ever getting another car loan goodbye, and then the next thing you know you gain 40 pounds, start riding the bus and talking to yourself in public.

All because of that loan.

Maybe I'm exaggerating.
I don't know. The whole thing just freaks me out. 
And aside from that, I lock socking money away. 
No-I like hoarding money.
No joke.
I've been in positions where we lost everything and had nothing and I was backed into some pretty shitty corners because of lack of money.
So I like to try to save every single penny I possibly can from my checks.
Not saying it always works, but I like to try.
Having a car payment means that's 2 or 300 dollars less that I can squirrel away in case of another rainy day/month/year.

My other option is forgoing the loan and saving up cash to buy another car outright on good old Craigslist. But that will take time if I plan to get anything decent, and that means waiting and hoping my car will hold out even longer, and it's already low value and high miles diminishing and rising respectively until it's got a million miles, isn't worth anything, and becomes a very big and very expensive fort for the kids in the backyard.
Which they would love, but that's besides the point.

I'm sure this all sounds crazy.
It really shouldn't be this big of a deal to get a car loan I'm sure.
But I'm the girl who's always waiting for the ground to fall out beneath her, remember?
I'm the one who expects the worst, prepares for the worst, and then wishes and prays for the best.

As of right now I guess I'll start with having the tranny looked at and then go from there.
You never know, maybe the mechanic will say it's not slipping, it's dancing with joy and will most certainly last another 30 million miles.

A girl can dream.

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