Thursday, April 4, 2013

The Unfinished Story

After everything that's been said I think that there couldn't possibly be anything left to convey.
But still your name resonates in my heart and in my mind and I find myself wishing I could tell you more. Somehow everything still feels unfinished.
The mistakes we made leave me wanting to go back, try again, and simultaneously wanting to move forward and forget.
The wounds we inflicted and the scars we both traded, as we tried endlessly to find an accurate representation of this indescribable love, haunt me still when it's quiet and you're gone.
As we struggled to stay in love through the differences in what we both wanted, What we expected from one another, and what we both considered to be enough;
I'm sorry for the way that I made my wants bigger than yours.
For the way that I considered my needs valid, and yours unrealistic.
I'm sorry that I would drown you out with the volume of what I needed, to the point that you had to disappear in order to find your voice again.
I didn't have the right to take that from you.
Between our two hearts there is time. There is a knowledge of what losing each other permanently means and what it feels like, and the absolute determination not to have to live through that.
But there is also a space where we cannot seem to meet up. Where we don't completely align, that keeps us forever a certain distance apart.
I keep hoping that a time will come when enough of the past has fallen away, and our paths have both shifted and changed, just enough for us to find each other again.
Some days it seems iminent. Others it feels like a lingering fairy tale.
Something I know will never be, but believe in anyhow because believing in the impossible is better than giving up on everything.
Whether we ever make it there or not, I will still love you.
Whether we ever find each other in the quietest parts of our own hearts again or not, I will still want you.
Whether we ever come true, or if we stay forever an unfinished story, I will still belong to you.
In the most constant and unspoken way.

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