Friday, April 6, 2012

The Friday Diary: Good F*cking Friday

April in Paris by Billie Holiday on Grooveshark
What song could be more appropriate on an April Easter weekend, than April in Paris?
No song.

So Happy GOOD Friday, everyone. 
Yep, today is not just Friday it is GOOD Friday, which means you have to be nice to everyone and talk about Jesus and try not to call your kids assholes at all. 
For me this is one of the hardest days of the year. 
But this year I have the day off work, since the sweet Canadians I  work  for are kind enough to give us almost every holiday off. Except Flag Day, which I've expressed my disgruntlement about previously. 
Anyhow, let's have some orange juice with booze in it {which just seems like a happy spring time holiday drink} and see what the fuck I've been eating up to this week. 


On Sunday evening I tried the whole "mass cooking" thing, where you buy a shitload of food and basically cook dinners until the end of time, and then freeze them. 
Or, if you're me, you buy a shitload of food, freeze it, then get too lazy to thaw it all out at once so you can cook it all and really just end up making some kale chips, boiling a chicken and making the worlds biggest egg casserole which will be eaten by 3 people. 
Kale chips, anyone?

In other news, a.k.a. fat news, I got Tae Bo DVD's. 
I know, Tae Bo is like soooo 90's, and I know, Billy Blanks is an egotistical, self serving moron. But he's a ripped egotistical self serving moron, and if he can possibly make me ripped too {or at least less whale-impersonationish} then I'll listen to whatever infomercial bullshit he has to say. 
I might post a before and after picture of myself in like a bikini  running suit like 30 days into using the DVD's if I can get my lazy ass to stop pounding white wine and actually get up and move around every single day after work. 
It could be a while. 

{you'll be amused to know that what finally made me decide to start working out for the first time....ever, was when I tried to take a "sexy" picture of my butt the other night to send to Bill, and I was so thoroughly depressed by what I saw that I IMMEDIATELY ordered the DVD's with rush shipping from Amazon. Seriously. See kids? Sometimes sexting can teach us valuable life lessons.}


16 Sleeps until Italy motha fucka!!!!!!!!


I made a fort for me for the kids:

I still totally play in it even though it's not mine.
The kids have to sleep sometime. And when they do, that baby is alllll MINE.


This time last year I was knee deep in a midwifery apprenticeship and a new budding business as a doula and childbirth educator, and trying to raise two kids at the same time that things were coming to a head with Bill and I. Kind of crazy how much can change in the course of a year, ya know?


This weekend I have big plans to 
1. Ditch my kids for my day off work tomorrow and sleep the fuck in.
2. See Titanic in 3D with Mr. Becker tomorrow night
3. Sleep the fuck in Saturday morning
4. Dye Easter eggs with the babies Saturday night which will seem super fun at first and then turn out to be a big messy stressful pain in the ass
5. Wonder why the hell we even still celebrate Easter
6. Start drinking at 8 a.m. on Sunday morning while I make a huge breakfast that no one will eat and the kids hunt for fight over eggs and chocolate in the backyard like depression era homeless kids. 
7. Spend all day yelling at the kids to stop fighting, screaming at my dad to stop sulking, and wishing I would've bought more booze filled chocolate
8. Pass out face down in a pile of malted milk chocolate egg things and foil candy wrappers with a sugar/wine hangover and one lone Easter egg that no one found slowly going bad in some dark corner of my house for me to sniff out later.

Happy Easter everyone.

1 comment:

  1. This post had me laughing my ass're quite witty!!

    Also, I've thought of trying the mass cooking thing myself. I am thinking of spending an entire weekend cooking thigns and then freezing it and using it for lunch/dinner for a week or two.